Remember Me This Way Page 3

  Then

  Tanner is waiting for me outside of school and involuntary butterflies spring up inside of me when I see his handsome face. I haven't had very much alone time with him, and I’m just nervous because of that...at least that's what I tell myself.

  "Hey," he says with a wide smile, but I notice that he doesn't look me right in the eyes. I run a hand through my hair self-consciously, wondering if there's something weird on my face and he just doesn't want to draw attention to it. It’s just the stupid way my mind thinks sometimes.

  "Do you want to hang out for a while, or do you have to go home?" he asks me, still not looking at me.

  “That sounds good," I say too quickly, eliciting a little grin from Tanner's mouth that I immediately memorize.

  “So, you want to hang out?” he asks, and I blush, realizing that I didn’t answer his question.

  “Yes, I want to hang out, Tanner,” I respond softly.

  His sexy little grin grows wider, and he helps me into his car, and we set off.

  "Are we going to go to your house?" I ask after we've been driving for a while. I thought I remembered passing some of the landmarks from the night of the party at his house. Evidently, that's the wrong question to ask because Tanner's face darkens.

  "I wouldn't ever bring you home while they're in town," he says angrily. There's an awkward silence after that as we continue driving.

  We don't stop until we get to Mercy Lake. I had only been here once, during a small moment where Terry had decided to be clean for a while. It had been a glorious day, one highlighted by the wistfulness of a childhood past. She'd found the bottom of a bottle of vodka the next day, and that was that.

  We sit in Tanner's car for a moment quietly, the uncomfortableness dissipating. My eyes don’t know where to look. Was it Tanner's pretty face, Tanner's pretty car, or the prettiness of our surroundings? For someone who had been surrounded by so much ugliness in my life, it was a little overwhelming to be around the guys and all the beauty that came with them.

  Finally, Tanner opens the door to his car. “Should we go sit out there?" he asks. "I have a blanket in the back of my car."

  For some reason, my mind immediately goes there. And I can't help but wonder how many times he's used that blanket for purposes other than sitting. He's not looking at me, so I can't see his reaction.

  "Sure," I tell him, "it's really nice outside." I’m not sure why I’m barely able to string a few words together around him. I'm going to eventually have to get used to talking. That is, if they’re around that long. People have a way of leaving in my life.

  He opens his trunk and grabs the blanket. He then surprises me by walking over to me and grabbing my hand. We walk hand-in-hand until we get to the narrow strip of beach that surrounds the lake. He spreads out the blanket and helps me to sit down before smoothly sitting down next to me. A cold breeze flows past, and I pull and tuck my knees into me, setting my chin on top of them and staring out at the rippling water. Tanner surprises me again by putting his arm around me and squishing close to me. I savor the warmth of his body.

  "I can't wait to get out here," he says suddenly, and there's resolve in his voice. In this moment, I know that he feels more strongly about that sentence than anything else that he has ever said to me before.

  I connect with him on that statement. I don't think that there's anything I want more than to get away from here. Except that's not really true… Is it, a small voice inside of me reminds me.

  "It will happen soon," I tell him, conviction laced in my words. I believe in them. They’re magic when they’re on that stage, and I can't wait until the whole world can see them.

  "You actually mean that, don't you?" he asks, a little wonder in his voice at my statement.

  I look at him, but he still isn't looking at me, and I huff out a breath. "Someday, everyone's gonna know your name, Tanner. Everything here will be just a distant memory, and there will only be good things ahead of you. I believe that with all of my heart," I tell him shyly.

  There's another silence, but this time, it's not awkward.

  "Why won't you look at me?" I finally ask.

  Again, there’s silence, as if he's weighing his next words. I’m suddenly afraid of what he's going to say. He turns just then, his eyes fierce, their silver depths threatening to swallow me whole. "I can't look at you, because I'm afraid that you’ll see right through to my soul. When you see what’s in there, you’ll find out just how ugly I am inside, and you won't want anything to do with me, won't want anything to do with us."

  I know Tanner has secrets. Out of the three of them, he's the one that's most troubled and the one that holds his troubles closest to the vest. But I don't believe him that he's ugly inside. I've seen how ugly people can really be, and he's not like that, no matter what he believes.

  He’s still looking at me now, waiting for a response, I guess. I reach out to touch his face, he shivers when I touch him, and closes his eyes, like my touch is the best thing he's ever felt.

  "Oh, Tanner, you could never be ugly to me. No matter how long it takes, I'll prove that to you," I tell him. He looks so hopeful at my comment that it takes my breath away. What secrets is this beautiful boy hiding that simple words from an almost stranger can have that effect on him? It's like he's literally dying for affection, and no one else can give it to him but me.

  We don't say anything else that afternoon, we just sit there and savor this moment of temporarily being free of all the shit in our lives. It’s an afternoon that I want to never forget.

  It’s an afternoon that I never did forget.

  5

  Now

  It’s been three days since the failed dinner with Jesse, and I’m still not over it. Jesse has been trying to get me to snap out of it, but I’ve been having worse nightmares than ever the last few nights. Jensen almost had a heart attack the other night when I started screaming in my sleep. They’ve all been tiptoeing around me even more, which is only making the situation worse.

  At least they’ve managed to finally start working together and pull a song together. None of them have spoken about what was going on, but the fact that the song isn’t even close to their best work speaks volumes to where the band is right now mentally. The label seems happy with it though, and has started teasing the new single on all the band’s social media sites.

  I’m back to watching bad reality TV, but at least I’ve started getting ready again. I did in fact, throw the bathrobe away much to Jesse’s pleasure.

  Speaking of Jesse...my heart skips a beat and starts again with a big thump when the door to my bedroom swings open and Jesse walks in, dressed in a doctor’s coat without a shirt on underneath it. My eyes widen when I see him. I’ve been writing in my journal while I listened to the television. It’s an exercise I read about online that can sometimes help with anxiety after trauma. I’m willing to try anything at this point.

  I stop mid word when I see him, though. Jensen is laying down on the couch beside me, fiddling on his phone.

  “Damn,” Jensen says, his eyes widening as he springs up to a sitting position. “Did I miss the memo about a costume party?” he asks.

  Jesse smirks and strides over to us, grabbing Jensen’s arm and hauling him to the door.

  “What the hell?” Jensen says as Jesse pushes him out the door.

  Backing him into the hallway, Jesse says, “You’ll have to catch up with the Real Housewives another time. Tomorrow, at the earliest.”

  It’s hard to keep a straight face when Jensen calls out, “Wait, we’re allowed to have sex again . . .” The rest of his rant is muffled as he’s locked in the hall. Jesse doesn’t turn around. Resting his head on the door, he takes two deep breaths and then lifts and drops it once before rounding on me.

  His eyes blur into a blue sky, rolling with emotion. The light bounces off them, stirring visions of perfection and hinting at danger. My heart races as they devour me from head to toe, taking in the simple cutoff shorts and ta
nk top that I’m wearing that leaves little to the imagination. As he stalks forward, I rub my thighs together in anticipation, wondering what he’s going to do.

  Glancing at the clock on the wall behind me, he says, “You’re ten minutes late for your appointment, Ms. Kent.” His nostrils flare as he sexily runs a hand through his hair, stalking towards me.

  “Had I known the importance of this engagement, I wouldn’t have kept you waiting,” I tell him, tapping the pen I had been writing with against my lips.

  “Well, now that you’re here, I suppose we should carry on. Wouldn’t you agree?” he peers down at me, and my mouth falls open. My stomach curls into a flutter as the prospect of him touching me becomes greater by the second. He’s all mine. “Hmm, we’ll have to check your throat for laryngitis, as well as a head-to-toe inspection for injuries.”

  I cough, barely suppressing a grin as he takes the last step towards me. Raising his hand to my forehead, he lays it there and then moves to my cheek. “No sign of fever, although you’re looking a tad flushed. Are you feeling alright, or should we remove your clothes?” he asks, a devilish smirk across his perfect lips.

  “Clothes?” I ask, losing all rational thought in the face of the wet dream that’s standing right in front of me.

  “Yes, clothes. Take them off.” I stutter when I realize what he’s asked.

  He helps me with my shirt and shorts. My hands are shaking as I help him. I finally give up and put my hands on his chest. When my fingers brush against his smooth, chiseled skin, he pushes them away. “Behave, Ms. Kent. If you need something, you have to ask and ask nicely.”

  I can’t take my eyes away from his perfect chest as I ask, “Dr. Carroway?” I flush at the heavy rasp present in my voice that gives immediate notice of how turned on I am by this little game.

  “Yes?”

  “I’m hurting,” I whimper pathetically

  “Oh? And where are you hurting, Ms. Kent?” This game is giving him authority over me—a slight domination that I’m finding incredibly arousing from my usually sweet lover, and my skin tingles with the heady knowledge that even more good things await me. “I may be able to alleviate any discomfort you’re feeling.” Picking up his hand, I set it on my chest, satisfaction filling me as I watch his eyes darken with lust. His jaw flexes when my eyes make contact with his tented pants, the taut seam of his trousers restricting it.

  “Here,” I tell him, and watch him lick his lips while staring at mine. I love him so much in this moment. I’ve had so much difficulty with our current reality that we needed to step outside the bounds of reality and have some fun. His comfort allows me to explore my sexuality safely and build my confidence.

  “I’ll take this into consideration. Tell me though, what is your biggest ailment? Is it this?” he asks, flicking my bra open suddenly with the front clasp that I’m thanking my lucky stars that this bra possesses. He runs a finger lightly over my nipple before pinching it suddenly and sending shivers all over my body.

  With his other hand, he pushes his pants down. I immediately take advantage of the situation and push his underwear aside, taking him in my hand and squeezing.

  “Is anything else bothering you?” he asks, his voice deeper than normal as I work him over. The rush of his breath fans my cheek as he dips down to my ear. “Does it make you wet when I boss you around, pretty girl?” He nips my lobe until my pulse is pounding in my throat. “I’ve wanted you on the tip of my tongue for weeks, and it’s time I get my fill.”

  I whimper and the façade falls for just a second as I sink into his chest.

  “Let me taste you,” he whispers.

  Moving my hand off of him, he guides my fingers behind my thong. “Are you wet?” I groan as I feel my way along the silk glide of my skin. Warm and lush, I slide farther down and coat my fingers in the evidence of my arousal.

  “Yes.” Without thought, I bring the proof to his mouth, and he sucks my fingers with a deep moan. Teasing with his tongue, he flicks the tips as he would my clit, and my legs grow weak at the thought of him taking and tasting me.

  He closes his eyes, counts to three and drops my hand. “In bed, Ms. Kent, now.” I’m happy to submit to his will...but I suddenly get the urge to have a little of my own. Before he can comply, I strip him of his doctor’s jacket and his briefs, and then guide him to my California King spread out before us. With the slightest touch, I push him to the mattress and he free falls, knees over the edge. Breaking from character for just a minute, he unleashes the concerned side of him. “If you are in pain or re-injure yourself for even one second, we’re not having sex for a year. Got it, Ari?”

  “Are you done, Dr. Carroway?”

  “Yes,” he says, giving me a seductive smirk at my impertinence.

  “Good, because I’m ready for you.” He growls and sits, hauling me into his chest and ripping the thong from my body.

  “That’s what I like to hear,” he says triumphantly. He falls back to the bed with me in his arms, and I squeal. “Get up here, pretty girl. I want you to reward me for my house call.”

  I pop up on my elbow. “You do deserve some thanks for your services.” I kiss him until we’re both panting and my hand is wrapped around his pulsing erection.

  “Ugh,” he grunts when I pull up and then run my palm up to the tip.

  “You know...I think that I decided on how you can reward me. Up,” he orders me. He tugs on my hip, and I kneel next to him. “Swing your leg over my shoulder.”

  “No.” My brow falls, and I shake my head. “Absolutely no way.”

  He growls and drags me up and over with such force that I fall forward, my hair splayed around my hands as they grip the sheets. “Jesse,” I whisper, breathless from the fall and his nose that brushes along my dampened panties. Biting the meat of my inner thigh, he sinks his teeth into my flesh and marks me as his.

  I hiss when his tongue makes its first drag. He’s wrenched away the silk and is taking his time to lick the length of me. Once, twice, and he groans, pulling me down onto his face. Gripping the tiny lace thong, he rips it off and owns my hips, wrapping his arm around one to manage my movement. And I move, swaying into the rhythm of his mouth, as he gets hungrier with each pass. I realize this position allows me my own modicum of control. He’s letting me set the pace, and I do. Sitting up, I fist his hair and tip my head back when the vibration of his growl reaches my clit, and a feverish pulse takes over all thought. My skin lights up, vibrating—every nerve is aware of each flick of his tongue and every sweep of his lips.

  I love your mouth, your marvelous, skilled fucking mouth. I love it on me. When he laughs, I realize I said it out loud and I don’t care—it’s the truth. The vibration becomes delicate, and the air pricks at each nerve, lighting my skin and opening me to pleasure. My hips rotate on him and with him as he flicks and pushes me higher, so high that I’m not sure I’ll survive the climb, let alone the fall. It feels so damn good.

  Too good, it’s too much, too fast.

  Just when I’m afraid of it, afraid of the intensity, and cry out, “Stop, no, please” he takes me in. Sucking, he holds me to him so I have nowhere to go but to fall forward and down, down, down. I scream into the mattress and jerk against him as I crash over and over again. His murmured appreciation chases my orgasm and reheats it, lapping against my sensitivity until I’m tensed for another one. He follows me with a groan when my body naturally wrenches away from the white-hot bliss, yet my hand is fisted so tight in his hair, I drag him with me at the same time. It’s a duel with only one possible ending and he beats it from me with the flattened edge of his wicked tongue.

  Slow, bleating whimpers are pushed into the bed as he shows no mercy and demands every ounce of my pleasure. “Jesse,” I whisper more than once as I find myself somewhere amongst the ruin and crawl back down to lie on top of him. I press kisses along his forehead, cheek and jaw, murmuring “So good” and “I love your mouth” until mine takes his. I find myself there, my sweet musk mixing wi
th his, and I drown in it. Snaking my hand between our bodies, I find him. Silk and steel melt into my hand as I stroke up and down, swallowing his groans as I want to swallow him. He breaks away, pushing until I’m flat on my back.

  “I want you,” he grounds out between his teeth. The passion of the moment is raging behind his intense gaze. I don’t dare deny him and slide further up on the bed, spreading my legs as I go. He’s on his knees in a heartbeat, savage and stalking forward, pinning me down with his eyes. I’d give him anything and everything, and he knows it. He plans on taking it.

  “Please.”

  “Please what?” He runs his hand along my thigh and bends to deepen the outline of the mark he made earlier with his teeth. Looking at me through his lashes he says, “Please touch you, or please make you come again?”

  “Both.”

  He grins and straightens, finding the perfect position between my thighs. His wild, undone smirk falls away when he throws his head back and lunges inside of me in one, deep thrust. I lose my breath when he fills me up and stills for the shortest moment, the moment when I feel replete and want for nothing, until the second it all changes and I need him to move. I need to fear his withdrawal only to feel the fullness once more. He holds me open with his hand digging into my leg, and I wrap the other around his ass and hold on for dear life. Holy hell, I’ve forgotten what it’s like when he’s wild and loses himself so thoroughly inside of me. It feels so, so good—he feels good. His body takes over, pounding into a punishing tempo. He’s punishing me for what’s happened to us and for making him wait so long to feel this free and good and mine. Bending down, he braces his elbow next to my ear so he can find my mouth and destroy that too. My breath comes in panting waves, a mirror of his, and our eyes lock. I watch his lips part and his head tip back as he slides in and out in long, deep strokes. My hips meet his as we come together until I need more. Faster and deeper, and then my nails rake down his back, and he bucks into me with a hiss and stills.