Remember Me This Way Page 14

  Fuck. I don’t give her a chance to say anything else. There’s no future ahead of me that doesn’t have this girl in it, and someday, she’s finally going to realize this.

  My mouth is on hers, deep and searing, a tangle of tongues and promises I hope I keep. Her lips are firm and hungry, but I’m hungrier, and we fight for control, a wet, hot struggle to destroy the fear that keeps winding its way around us.

  I want to make her mine right now, sink my teeth in her flesh, slay the fear that prevents her from finally being all mine.

  I fight for it, holding her hips as I grind between her thighs, and we become a writhing, panting mass of need. Reason returns and I break the kiss, pulling away to find her swollen, pink lips parted.

  “I want to touch you,” she says.

  I groan and pin her hands behind her back. She’s killing me. “I want that too, but no.”

  Ari struggles to free herself and growls through her frustration. “Jesse,” she whines.

  I grab her neck, holding her in a possessive but tender grip as I shift and slide her fingers down my abdomen until they’re pressed over my erection. “Do you feel me, pretty girl? That’s a fuck ton of inches of pure commitment. Let me know when you finally accept this is forever, and I’m not ever going anywhere.”

  She smiles. A lazy grin peels across her face, and she squeezes me.

  “Ari,” I warn through clenched teeth.

  “Shh. Let me have what I want.” She stands, snapping the waistband of my pants as she goes. With her eyes latched on mine, I lift my hips and she tugs, slipping them down my legs and then tossing them to the floor. I suck in a breath when she palms me, cupping me and pressing her thumb against the sensitive pad beneath my crown. Pleasure ripples across my stomach. She holds my gaze while shimmying out of her shorts. Shit. My heart thuds as she climbs up, a knee on either side of my thighs.

  “Ari,” I moan through the feeling of her moving against me.

  “I want to make you come, Jesse Carroway.”

  I nod, licking my lips. “I’m pretty sure those are the best words ever strung together in the history of the English language.”

  She laughs, but it’s short and choked off when she rocks her hips, moving enough to spread her open and for me to slide right in.

  At the first full pass, we both moan. I lose my shit the second time and grab her hips, helping to direct pace and motion. And oh fuck, looking at me through long lashes, Ariana sheds fear like a cloak, dropping it to the floor as she pulls the pins from her hair and shakes it out. All that’s left is a carnal, ripe woman falling apart above me. I can do nothing but focus on the slick, wet heat surrounding me. And when she touches her lips to mine, open and breathing in the same breath I pant out, I lose my mind.

  I lose all sense of self and time, and any distance between us is destroyed with each grunt and groan. I jab my hips up to meet the press of hers, just as the tip of my tongue reaches into her mouth to strangle the sounds driven from her with each stroke. The chair rocks beneath us. I shift lower, providing more room for her to move.

  She bucks against me, frantic and sinking her nails into my shoulders, dragging them into my hair as she arches and groans for more and faster, please.

  I give it to her. I’d give her anything. I’ll give her my everything.

  I bite the swell of her breast and then find the tip, sucking it through the cotton of her tank. She squeals and jerks her hips harder, grinding down on me so brutally, I see stars, and I’m nothing but an aching knot of need.

  She whimpers, and the last ribbon of my control is cut.

  “Come right now, Ari,” I order.

  I grab her hair, pulling her forehead to mine while I move faster. A strangled cry erupts from her trembling lips as her body grows taut, straining over me for a long moment. And then she breaks, crying out. I keep going, though, keep stroking against her, seeing her through violent lashes that leave her trembling and clinging to my neck.

  “Yes.” I press the word into the sweet spot behind her ear, dragging in the scent of her. Surrounded by Ariana, the only woman who I’ve ever loved...will ever love, I grind my eyes closed and I come. I come so fucking hard, every muscle in my body tightens like I’m having a heart attack.

  Holy shit. I can’t even think with this woman, this damn woman. I lose control every single time.

  I’ll need a brain transplant to recover if she ever leaves me.

  I return to reality when her tongue traces the lines of the tattoos covering my chest.

  I grab her hair and haul her face up to catch her eyes sparkling from mischief in the overhead light.

  She smiles. She smiles that damn smile that tightens my chest, and I can’t breathe.

  “I love you, Jesse.”

  I kiss her. I drown in her. I take from her, and I see light and something new.

  19

  Ariana

  Tonight is my first performance by myself. We had done a few promotional appearances with the guys, where I sung a few songs with them. I recorded a single with Tanner, Jensen, and Jesse, but the single Jesse and I recorded was going to be on their next album so my album wasn’t all The Sound of Us. My first single with Tanner is still reigning supreme on the Billboard charts and the crowds have gotten bigger and bigger at each performance. Clark’s strategy is to release my album like the Chainsmokers, with a song or two released every couple of weeks, and the whole album released at the end. We released my second single, “Wreckage”, last Friday and it was starting to move up the charts as well.

  Yes, my past performances had gone well. But I wasn't sure how a performance would go where it was just me. Clark had been giving me pep talks all day, but they couldn't quench the fear that I was going to go out there and there would be crickets.

  Tonight, I’m the first opening act for Red Daydreams, and I'm just hoping that there's some crossover between their fans and people who would like me... or this is going to be an interesting performance.

  I'm getting my makeup done when there's a knock on the door. "Come in," I call out, and one of Red Daydream's assistants is standing there with a snotty look on his face. I'm distracted from his attitude though, by the giant bouquet of roses that he's holding in his arms.

  "This came for you," he says haughtily, obviously pissed about having to help the opening act. He leaves without another word.

  I feel a sense of dread as I look at the flowers.

  "Those are beautiful," gushes Ellie, my makeup artist, as we both stare at them. "You’re a lucky girl."

  I know she thinks they must be from the guys. My relationship with them has become the worst kept secret ever after that interview in New York.

  But I know it's not from them. They would never send me roses. Not when they know that Gentry always got me roses.

  I stand up, ignoring the fact that Ellie isn't done with my eye makeup yet, and I walk over to the flowers. My breathing sounds shallow in my ears as I look at the tag with shaking hands.

  Kick Ass Tonight

  -Clark

  I stagger back a little in relief, and then I just feel silly. Of course, it's not Gentry. My security team would have checked before the flowers got back here.

  After relief comes anger that I had that reaction at all. I wonder if there will be a day where I'm not haunted by him. I’m also going to find a way to suggest that Clark never send me roses again.

  "Who was it from?" Ellie asks eagerly.

  "Clark," I tell her, trying to look normal and not like I just freaked out.

  "Okayyy," she says, gesturing for me to sit back down with a tight smile. I must have looked a little crazy when I responded, because she doesn’t look at ease anymore.

  After a few minutes, she clears her throat. "So, you and Clark seem really close," she remarks, trying to make her statement seem innocent.

  I shoot her a glance, knowing exactly what she's thinking...that Clark and I are having an affair or something like that.

  "He's a good manager
," I say politely, not really caring to defend myself from her way off base thoughts.

  I'm about to say something else, when there's a knock on the door again. "Come in," I say, less confidently this time.

  This time, when the same surly employee appears in the doorway, I'm not nervous. Because I know that the gift he has in his hands is definitely not from Gentry.

  Ellie starts laughing, and I start laughing too, because my "gift" is a lifesize cardboard cutout of Tanner. There's a post-it-note on the chest of the cardboard Tanner that says "for your good luck kiss."

  I want to cry at the gesture. This is probably my favorite gift I've ever received.

  Elle is gushing, but I can't hear what she’s saying because I'm already eagerly calling Tanner.

  My insides seem to take flight when he picks up, and I hear his gravelly voice that will forever remind me of sex.

  "Princess," he says in an amused tone.

  "I love you," I tell him immediately, ignoring the fact that Ellie seems like she's about to pass out from watching me.

  "I love you too," he says quietly. "Tonight is going to be perfect," he continues with complete confidence.

  And just like that, my nerves die down. Sometimes all you need is for one person to believe in you.

  I'm about to say something...because there are a million words we haven't said lately, but the employee is back again, this time not bothering to knock on the door.

  "You're up in five," he calls out, looking annoyed that I'd dare be on the phone.

  "Talk to you later?" I ask, and he hums in agreement.

  "Okay," I whisper.

  "Okay, then."

  "Bye ,Tanner." And then I hang up.

  "I guess you're not sleeping with your manager, then,” Ellie says, and I just look at her with one eyebrow raised.

  She blushes, finally realizing that she's overstepped, and I walk out of the room to prepare to go on stage.

  I'm hustled to the side of the stage by one of the backstage managers.

  This is it. This is what I've been wanting for so long that it seems like forever.

  I step out to the stage. The arena is only half full, which is honestly more than I expected, since people usually arrive late to concerts when there are multiple opening acts like this one.

  I get a polite round of applause when I introduce myself, and then I start. I only get to sing five songs tonight, so I’ve chosen my single with Tanner (Tanner’s part will be sung by one of Red Daydream’s backup singers), three of my songs, and then a cover of Halsey’s “Finally// beautiful stranger,” a song that will forever remind me of the guys.

  I’m singing “Wreckage,” when I look out in the crowd and I see a teenage girl whose belting my song back at me with all of her heart. She knows every word. And the sight almost makes me cry. Because I never in a million years thought I would see it.

  I once read an article about a famous pop star, and during the interview she talked about how there was no greater moment than when the crowd starts singing your song back to you, and you just know that what you wrote actually means something to them.

  I don't take my eyes off that girl for the rest of the song, and her smile lights up her whole face as she continues to sing.

  And I know that no matter what happens with the rest of my performances; this moment will stand out like a burning flame in my mind. A memory that I'll treasure for as long as I live.

  For so long my songs have been my little secret. The story of a life that I've never wanted to live. A story of broken dreams, and broken things.

  And I know that this one fan gets that.

  And it's all worth it.

  The rest of the songs go off without a hitch, and the crowd has actually grown as I go through all my songs. I'm riding high as I run off stage, and after accepting congratulations from a few members of Red Daydream, I head back to my dressing room to call the guys before their performance.

  When I walk in, I let out a small scream. Because the room has been trashed, and the Tanner cutout has been slashed to pieces. My bodyguards come running in, and it's emergency protocol as soon as they see the state of the dressing room.

  I'm immediately dragged outside into a waiting vehicle by two of them and whisked back to the hotel we're staying at tonight.

  I know without anyone telling me that Gentry was here. And I'm sick to my stomach that instead of calling and telling the guys about how amazing the show is, I'll have to answer questions about Gentry instead.

  It's just another moment that he's stolen from me.

  Our Facetime call goes as I expect. Jensen tries to order me to call off the tour for now...which obviously isn't going to happen, Tanner goes quiet-even more than usual-and Jesse tries to smooth everything over. It's the same song and dance that's been happening since even before I was shot, and I'm so tired of it.

  The next few weeks start to run together. I'm performing and then I'm traveling either to see the guys or to the next stop. They pop up in between their tour dates as well, but the pressure of everything is tearing at our seams and I feel like I’m barely holding onto them.

  And at every performance no matter what measures are taken, there's always a nasty surprise from Gentry.

  A picture of the two of us...or a note...or even my wedding veil. They appear randomly, brought by different people or put in places that I can’t miss.

  I never see Gentry, and that's almost worse. The waiting for the big reveal.

  I'm losing weight, and my nightmares are constant.

  But there are more and more fans who are singing my songs back to me every night.

  And somehow, that makes me push through the fact that my ex is stalking me, and the guys are fighting with me.

  The only time I feel alive is on the stage.

  And I can't help but think that the worst is yet to come.

  20

  Then

  “I’ve been looking for you,” Tanner says quietly, and I’m not surprised that he’s found me.

  I didn’t follow the guys in to the house this morning. Instead, I set off down the road, ignoring their calls until I could get a cab.

  And even though I couldn’t afford it, I had that cab take me all the way to the beach house. For some reason, I only associated good things with it, and I really needed to think of good things right now.

  “Why are you here?” I ask quietly, not looking at him, even as he walks closer towards me.

  He’s suddenly in front of me, and I close my eyes.

  “You see me when no one else does. And, Ari, I see you too,” he tells me. He drops a kiss on both my eyelids. “These eyes see things most of us miss and are the windows to every single one of your thoughts.” He presses our foreheads together. “I’m sorry I hurt you last night.”

  My heart races so hard, but I can’t speak, my throat is clogged with emotion. No one has ever spoken to me like this.

  “And these lips, that fucking freckle. They’re a work of art I can’t imagine not kissing for the rest of my life.”

  I lean forward and press my mouth to his against my better judgment. His lips are beautiful, too. They’ve got a deep bow on the top and are full and lush on the bottom, and I’ve daydreamed about kissing them all day at school since I met him.

  He groans and cups my face with both hands, holds me there and kisses me he’s in pain, and I’m the only drug that can cure him.

  I thought I knew what it would feel like to kiss all of them. But it changed every time we did kiss.

  This kiss...Tanner’s kiss… It feels like coming home and going on an adventure all at once. Safe and reckless. Weightless, but so firmly rooted to this moment. And when he runs his tongue over my lips, I open for him.

  “So fucking perfect,” he murmurs before his warm tongue slides into my mouth. I moan and slide closer to him until I’m nearly in his lap. I clutch at the front of his shirt and hold on while his mouth shows mine what a kiss is supposed to feel like. Behind my eyes, a million p
oints of brilliant light explode, and I hurtle through time, space, and at the same time, I remain grounded, held in place by the gravity of his kiss. I feel this kiss all the way to my toes, filling up the empty spaces in a way that I never dreamed was possible.

  And I know I’ll never forget it.

  His hands grab my waist, and he lifts me up and puts me down so I’m straddling him. And the kiss changes. It’s feverish, my hands go from clutching to tugging, his hips ruck up into me, his erection presses against the softest, hottest part of me, and I start to ache.

  “Tanner—” I break the kiss and try to catch my breath.

  “I need more,” he growls and his lips drag across my jaw, sucking and biting. I whimper, sigh, and hold on for dear life.

  Suddenly, I break our kiss and push away from him as a kaleidoscope of images run through my brain of last night. I shouldn’t be kissing him like this.

  Tanner grimaces when he sees the look on my face.

  I blink to clear my eyes and struggle to catch my breath. His chest heaves, too. We gaze at each other, neither one of us smiling.

  “Can I take you out this weekend to apologize?” he asks, his voice is low, urgent, and his eyes are hooded with desire.

  “I don’t know,” I reply, still looking at him, realizing that this beautiful, flawed boy really knows nothing about me at all.

  "There's a song," I say softly to him, my eyes flickering out to the waves crashing against the beach. I look back at him, and I watch as the heat fades from his gaze as he concentrates on what I’m saying. "I can't remember who the song’s by. But I remember that the singer talks about loving in shades of wrong. That phrase has always stuck with me."

  I pause and just keep looking at him, memorizing the way the failing light of the day looks on him at this moment.

  "What if that's how I love? What if that's how we love? And what if it's all wrong?" I ask, desperate for him to tell me that my fear isn't real.

  He doesn’t have an answer for me, and maybe that's an answer in itself.