Remember Me This Way Read online

  I guess the time apart helped with that, although if I was honest, there hadn’t been much of that since I called them from Scottsdale. Between them flying out to see me after every show, and vice versa, there had only been a few nights that we've spent apart. And I was definitely all right with that, even though Clark continued to encourage me to be more independent.

  The first opening act finishes up, signaling that it’s almost my turn. There were at least 30,000 people in the arena, and my stomach was fluttering crazily at the thought. We just released my third single, another one that I had written, and it took off like the others, even surpassing the first two, somehow.

  I cried last night when Clark called and told me to check the charts, and I saw that somehow “Memories of Us” made it to number one on Billboard making me the first woman in pop history to have three #1s in my debut album. The only thing missing in that perfect moment was Tanner, and I hoped that somehow, he had access to the radio and would somehow stumble upon the song.

  I lean into Jensen to give him a kiss and see that he looks concerned as he stares out into the crowd. He and Jesse stopped giving me a hard time about safety, but the threat was always there that Gentry was out there. There had been no surprise packages from him over the last month, and the silence was scarier than his gifts were.

  I lost confidence that he was going to be found and was trying to come to terms with the fact that he might always be haunting me, a mistake that shouldn't have been permanent, but would be.

  Jensen wipes the worried look from his face when he sees me looking and gives me a kiss that heats me up in all the right places. Jensen would be coming out to sing Tanner’s part of our song a little later.

  Jesse grabs me away from Jensen when the kiss goes on for too long, and I laugh at his mock jealousy. He starts kissing down the side of my neck, sending shivers catapulting across my body.

  "I can't wait for some alone time with you," he growls, before kissing the hell out of me too.

  "You're on," the disgruntled stage manager barks at me while Jesse continues to maul my face. I pull away, unable to keep the smile off my face.

  "Break a leg, pretty girl," Jesse says, and I lose my breath for a second at the love I can see in his eyes, in both of their eyes.

  No matter what happened, I was a lucky girl.

  Taking a deep breath, I walk out on stage, the nervous energy driving my adrenaline higher.

  I raise my hand and wave to the crowd before immediately jumping into the first song. It’s the song that I released as my second single, and even though the song reached #1 on the charts, the fact that this crowd of 30,000 is actually singing my words back to me was unbelievable. No longer were people not showing up for the opening act when I was performing. The arena was almost as full as it would be when Tyler stepped on stage.

  I had to actively work to make sure that the emotion I was feeling didn't show in my voice. But that girl singing with me at that first performance meant just as much to me as the arena full of people singing back to me did now.

  Now I understood how artists could perform for a year singing the same album, and never get tired of it. There was nothing like this.

  The song ends, and right before I’m about to open my mouth to address the crowd, a feeling passes over me. A feeling that someone is watching me. My heart starts pounding faster as I scan the crowd. Not recognizing anyone in the immediate rows in front of me, I try to block out the feeling.

  "How are we today, Dallas?”I belt out, a big smile lighting up my face as the crowd roars back at me. "My name is Ariana Kent, and if you haven't heard of me, that's all right. I'm hoping we get to be good friends by the end of the night. It’s still hard for me to believe that I’m getting to perform in front of you tonight and opening for Tyler Rowe, one of my favorite artists on the planet.” The crowd screams even louder at mention of Tyler’s name.

  "What about the Sound of Us boys?” someone a few rows in front of me calls out, and I freeze, because I recognize that voice. I would recognize that voice anywhere.

  It takes me a second, but I finally find him. Tanner Crosby is standing in the fourth row, center stage, a baseball cap pulled down low over his face, but there’s no way I wouldn’t recognize those silver eyes as they pierce right through me.

  I purse my lips, trying not to cry. “Let's get started then," I announce to the crowd, ripping my eyes away from Tanner. He looks good, better than good. He looks healthy. Gone are the sunken cheeks and the shadowed eyes. He looks better than I've ever seen him, like all the things that had been haunting him on the inside had finally been fixed.

  I don't know how I get through the next song, because my eyes keep going back to him. He’s staring at me like I’m the only person in the world that exists. And when he mouths to me that he loves me, I almost have to stop singing altogether.

  Why was he doing this? Why is he here after months of nothing? Had he listened to my voicemail? Had he waited for me, just like I had waited for him?

  I’m distracted in the next song as well, and when I glance over to Jensen and Jesse, I can tell that they’ve noticed.

  "What's going on?” Jensen mouths, and I widen my eyes, hoping that he can somehow read what I’m thinking. It takes him a moment, but I can see when he gets it, because he nearly jumps out of the skin. "Tanner," he mouths, and I give him a small nod. He blanches and quickly tells Jesse. I can see that it’s taking everything in them not to take a few steps farther out onto the stage so they can see him too.

  But that would definitely ruin my set, if I wasn't already ruining it by how distracted I am.

  My next song is actually fitting for the situation. I wrote it when I had lost them the first time. And it was filled with all the tragedy of youth and lost love. It matched my current situation with Tanner perfectly as well.

  I can tell that he identified with the emotion and the song as I’m singing it, because his silver eyes get soft, the way they did when he was truly sad. He looks hopeless after I finish singing, and even though it hadn't been my intention, Tanner is probably thinking the worst about us.

  And maybe I’m naïve, but I’m still so hopeful that everything can be explained after the last few months. I want to make him feel better, I want him to know that I still believe in him, believe in us. The next song on my set is supposed to be a cover of Lady Antebellum that I was going to perform on the piano. But I decide to change it to one that always reminds me of Tanner instead. The stage crew quickly rolls out the piano, and I sit down at it.

  “I’ve found that sometimes, maybe most of the time, music is able to more accurately say what I'm feeling than anything else. Some of you might recognize this next one. It’s called ‘Yours’, originally performed by Ella Henderson,” I tell the crowd, immediately eliciting more cheers.

  Taking a deep breath, I begin to play.

  I wear your winter coat…

  The song is a perfect message for my lover. And I feel its words right down to my soul. When I look up, Tanner's eyes have that soft look about them still, but this time, I know it’s because of happiness.

  And I know every day you say it

  But I just want you to be sure

  That I'm yours…

  I keep my head bowed when I finish as I try to get ahold of myself. The crowd is screaming so loud right now, it’s like they know why I picked this song.

  I try to get my act together, performing a few originals and a few more covers, and then it’s time for Jensen to come perform with me.

  Just like always, it’s magic singing with him. Everything else, even Tanner’s presence, is forgotten as we stare at each other and pour out the words that we wrote together. The crowd’s screams are deafening, especially when Jensen pulls me into a kiss after we’re done that’s too hot for public consumption.

  I'm sure I have a goofy smile as he leaves the stage.

  I’m just about to perform my last song, when I see him. It’s not Tanner this time, but a haggard look
ing Gentry. He’s making his way through the crowd until he’s standing in the third row right in front of me.

  I’m frozen in place. The look in his eyes is crazed, and all I can think in that moment is that I’m about to die, and there’s still so much life I want to live.

  People begin screaming around him as he pulls a gun out from under his plaid flannel and points it at me. His hands are shaking, but he looks determined.

  Suddenly Tanner is tackling him, and they’re wrestling each other for the gun.

  I scream as Gentry knocks Tanner in the side of the head with the gun. Jesse and Jensen come bursting out onto the stage, running towards me, but I’m still frozen in place watching the scene in front of me play out.

  Tanner’s on his knees, struggling to get his wits together after being knocked in the head. Gentry begins to stalk towards me again and it’s mass chaos as people trample over one another trying to get away from the madman with a gun.

  I finally begin to back away, not willing to turn around and run and not be able to see it when he shoots. Gentry raises the gun again and I see his finger twitch on the trigger, and then Tanner is once again on him. They fall to the ground this time, struggling with the gun.

  Boom, the shots ring out through the stadium, and I sink to my knees as I see Tanner's still form on top of Gentry.

  “NOOOO,” I scream, the sound echoing through the stadium since I’m wearing a mike.

  Jesse reaches me and throws himself in front of me while Jensen launches himself into the crowd, trying to get to Tanner.

  Even though it’s stupid and there’s nothing I can do, I try to buck Jesse off of me so that I can get to Tanner too. The whole stadium screaming is a million times worse than what it sounded like last time. I was in hell, and I knew that if I lived past this moment, sounds of today would haunt me for the rest of my life.

  Jesse is looking towards Tanner, an ugly, frightened look on his face that I never want to see again. I look away from him and see that Jensen has reached Tanner and Gentry.

  Gentry landed on top of Tanner in the scuffle, and I can see crimson blood spreading out on the concrete floor around them now that the crowd has run away. Jensen rips Gentry off of Tanner, and I realize that Gentry isn’t moving either, not even when his head slams against the concrete floor as he’s flipped onto his back.

  And then Tanner, my beautiful sad boy, is sitting up, a little unsteadily...but he’s standing up.

  Choking sobs fall from my mouth, this time sobs of relief. He’s covered in blood, but there aren’t any visible holes in his shirt, and when I look at Gentry, I can see a gaping hole where his heart should have been. Tanner staggers for a second before shaking his head like he’s trying to get his head straight, and Jensen is patting him all over checking for injuries. Tanner shakes his head again, hopefully saying this time that he isn’t injured. Jensen lets out a choked sob and throws his arms around Tanner.

  Jesse finally moves off me, staying close though and gripping my hand tight, as if he’s prepared to jump in front of me again at any sign of danger. After I get up, I stand there, a little shakily myself from the adrenaline, watching Tanner and Jensen. It's like the whole world shrinks at that moment, and it’s just the four of us.

  Tanner finally settles those haunting silver eyes on me, and I’m off the stage in a flash this time, dragging Jesse behind me. When I get to Tanner and Jensen, I throw one arm around both of them, burying my face in Tanner's neck while still holding tightly to Jesse.

  As we stand there, wrapped in each other's arms, I’m only faintly aware of the SWAT team running around the area. Someone’s checking Gentry's pulse, but I know that he’s dead.

  It's like my body can sense that he’s taken his final breath, and I’m finally free.

  I thought over these last couple of months, that something was wrong with our love, that it was a shade of wrong that perhaps couldn't be overcome.

  But now, I can see our love for what it is, beautifully broken, just like the four of us.

  26

  Now

  Tanner

  After we’d all talked to the authorities, and I’d been taken to the hospital for precautionary measures, and she’s made sure I was fine, she’d told Jesse and Jensen she needed to get away for a day and she left.

  I find her at the beach house she bought, just an hour outside of LA. It was the first thing she’d gotten with her paycheck apparently.

  And it’s perfect.

  It’s all white and modern looking with windows everywhere. I knew that Ariana always liked big windows after growing up in a trailer that didn’t have any. I walk around the side of the house and see that it sits on a pristine strip of private beach, and it immediately becomes my new favorite place. Maybe because it reminds me of the beach house we used to go to.

  I knock on the back door, but she doesn’t answer. I try to open the door next. It’s unlocked, which show’s how at ease Ariana is feeling now that Gentry is gone.

  I open the door slowly and enter the house, my movements making quiet creaks of protest from the home. Everything is silent and still. I peek into a modern, gourmet kitchen on my left and a dining room on my right before ascending the steps.

  I’m nervous. I brush my sweaty hands down the sides of my pants. My heart beats so loud in my chest, so solidly, as if making me aware of its frantic state is necessary. I reach the top step, and call out her name into the dark.

  There’s an open doorway directly across from the staircase, and I know she’s in there. I swear I can hear her heartbeat. It was hers, the rhythm as familiar as my own.

  A moment later I hear her voice. “Tanner.” I’m nearly brought to my knees but I move, approaching the door slowly, the sound of her heartbeat ringing in my ears, her heavy breaths coming closer. And then she stands there, silhouetted in the doorway, looking like she expected me to come.

  “Tanner,” she says, this time with relief. I can’t wait a moment longer. I step into the doorway and as I reach my arms for her, she jumps, right into my arms, right where I need her to be always.

  I hold her tightly, afraid to let her go and lose her again. My nose burrows in her hair and I breathe in her sweet scent and exhale a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

  “Ari,” I murmur into her hair, feeling my heart settle its rhythm, my chest loosen and allow me to breathe more normally.

  She pulls back, and her hands find my face. Her eyes are glistening. She’s beautiful, she’s always been beautiful, but seeing the emotion in her eyes makes my own tighten with the surge of relief I feel that we’re reunited.

  Her fingers roam my face, touching my features, as if the moment is a dream. And that’s what it feels like. Holding her, seeing her, it’s the sweetest dream.

  My lips descend quickly, impatient for that connection to her. Her hands grip my hair, she moans a small sound that reverberates through her mouth into mine, and I fall in love with this woman all over again.

  I need Ariana like I need breath. Possibly more.

  She pulls back, and this time her cheeks are wet, and there’s a shaky smile on her lips.

  “You’re here.” I touch a finger to her lips and rub reassuringly. “I missed you, Princess,” I say, even though the words fall painfully short of the full depth of emotions I’ve had during this time apart.

  Her head falls back, and she lets out a laugh, the sound I didn’t know I needed to hear so desperately. Fuck, she’s the most incredibly stunning creature on earth.

  And she’s still mine. And she still loves me.

  She lets her head fall to rest on my shoulder, her hands finding my waist and gripping me tightly. “Understatement of the year, I think, Tanner.” I close my eyes. Hearing her say my name, hearing the word roll off her lips, this was what I’d longed for. I wrap my arms around her tightly and kiss her hair.

  I know I won’t let go of her anytime soon.

  I hold her in the doorway, catching up on the months I missed with her.


  She spins around and grabs my hand, pulling me into the room with her. The moment we are inside the room, she shuts the door and walks backwards from me. My eyes stay locked on hers, and I’m only faintly aware of the floor to ceiling windows that take up the whole far wall of the room that must be her bedroom.

  I watch her, mesmerized, as she keeps her eyes on me. She pulls the t-shirt she’s wearing up and over her head before she tosses it at me, biting on her lip. I hadn’t seen this playful side of her in a long time. I’d missed her, desperately.

  But I’m not feeling playful. The swelling in my chest, knowing this wasn’t one of my many dreams, was overpowering me and my movements. I hold the shirt in my hands, and keeping my eyes trained on hers, I bring it up to my face and inhale.

  I watch her face change. The playful glint leaves her eyes. In its place is heady desire. I feel my whole body change, shift into a familiar place. Don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t that I didn’t love seeing her playful side. But my heart is burning in my chest, and I had seriously intense feelings for her, feelings that stole my air and changed the rhythm of my heartbeat.

  In Ariana, I found more than love, more than hope and peace.

  I found my home.

  I walk slowly to her, watching the movement of her throat as she swallows. My eyes move to meet hers the moment my hands touch her skin. Each time I touch her, my fingers come alive, as if she’s the most beautiful instrument my hands would ever touch. I press my lips to her forehead, feel the heat of her breath on my neck. My eyes close, and I savor this moment, savor being home again. My fingers slide from her arms up and over her shoulders, touching her neck. My thumbs trace her jaw line, meeting at the center of her chin. My thumbs tremble when I watch her lips part.

  Every single part of her was made perfectly for me.

  I brush a thumb over her lips and look into her eyes again. They’re clouded over with lust. Seeing that lights a match in my veins. My arms move to encircle her as my mouth touches hers. I capture the breath she’s about to take and sink in, lips and tongues and nibbles from teeth.