Remember Me This Way Page 7

  “I think you already said that about a million times.”

  I laugh. “Right. Well, thanks again.” He nods and leans back, tucking his hands in his lap like he’s having to prevent himself from touching me. “My pleasure, Princess.”

  10

  Now

  I’m still sitting on the couch, talking with Amberlie when Clark appears. We’re surrounded by bodyguards, but Clark just ignores their presence as he sidles up to us.

  “Ariana,” he says. “It’s good to see you.”

  I smile up at him. “Thanks for all the work you’ve been doing for the guys. I don’t know what they would have done if you hadn’t been able to step in after everything that happened.”

  He shrugs. “It’s my job,” he says simply, but I know that the work he’s done has been over and beyond what an agent usually does.

  "How have you been feeling?” he asks, staring at me intently. “Has that doctor I sent you helped?”

  “I went for the first time today. I’m a work in progress,” I respond honestly. There’s not really a point in trying to lie to him. I’m sure he’s been given at least some updates from the guys, or he’s at least noticed the strange tension between the four of us.

  “I have a proposition for you that I think you'll be excited about," said Clark, staring at me intently. “Hopefully, you’re ready for it.”

  A tiny prickle starts to creep up along my spine, for some reason, I know that whatever is going to come out of his mouth is going to be big. I can see Amberlie lean forward excitedly out of the corner of my eye.

  "Okay," I tell him a little unsteadily.

  "I recorded a couple of sessions of you jamming with the guys on the bus during the tour," he admits to me, not indicating he feels bad about it at all. "I’ve shown it to the label. And Ari, they like what they’ve seen. Actually...they fucking love what they’ve seen. And they’d like to bring you into the studio and talk about a contract," he tells me, opening up a folder that I’ve just noticed he’s holding. He says all of this casually, like he’s hasn’t dropped the biggest news I’ve ever received on me.

  All the breath has left my body. He has to be joking. Good things like this don’t happen to me. "Is this for real?" I whisper. “Did the guys put you up to this?" I ask, looking around to see where they were. They were still in sound check apparently, because they are nowhere to be found.

  "Ariana, this has nothing to do with them. You have talent all on your own, that doesn't depend on the Sound of Us," he tells me calmly, as if he expected that question. I nervously push my hair behind my ear and peek at Amberlie’s reaction. She looks like she’s about to explode with excitement while she mouths to me a silent “oh my gosh.” Her over the top reaction helps me calm down some, and I turn my attention back to Clark.

  Clark hands me documents out of the folder. My eyes widen as I start to skim over them. "I've looked over the offer myself, and it looks better than normal for a brand-new artist. But I do advise you to have a lawyer look over the contract as well,” he tells me as he points out some features of the contract that I wouldn’t have noticed.

  "I'm sure the guys have someone that can look over it," I mutter as my eyes skim over the second page.

  He clears his throat. "Actually, I think it would be good for you to get your own lawyer. I'd like to be your agent and manager, if you’re willing. I really believe in you. But I think that it's best for your career if you have separation. Getting to where you're known for your talent and not as the girlfriend of the hottest band around will be crucial for you succeeding in this business," he tells me slowly, obviously weighing his words since the guys would freak out if they heard him say something like this. I’m freaking out hearing him say it.

  I open my mouth to object, but then close it. What he’s saying does make sense. The tabloids right now are full of questions about who I am, and speculation on if I was dating all of them. How was I ever going to be taken seriously if they were so focused on me as the object of the guys’ affection, rather than a burgeoning new talent? Not that I really believed I would be thought of as that. This didn’t seem real. This couldn’t be real.

  "Still, I think it would be wise for us to use that song that you and Jensen wrote as your first single to kind of introduce you to the stage. But after that, I think you should introduce some of the songs that you've written," he tells me. I look at him in surprise. Before I can say anything, he interjects. "Don't try to say that you don't have spirals full of songs you’ve written. I've seen you feverishly writing by yourself whenever you get a free moment. I know that those notebooks aren’t just filled with journals and quotes,” he tells me, cracking a grin.

  I nod reluctantly, my face blushing with heat at the idea of the world hearing anything that I've written. More than likely, they would hear some of the songs and reject it right away as being total crap. Stuff that I’ve written with the guys is much better than any of that.

  "We’re also going to work on your confidence," he tells me, watching me closely. "You need to believe that this is happening to you- because of you and not because of them," he tells me seriously. "You’ll be eaten alive if you can't recognize your own talent. There's always going to be naysayers saying crap. I can't believe in you for you," he tells me.

  I know he’s right. It’s something that has been haunting me for a while. Like Dr. Mayfield said, I’m like a ship lost at sea. For so long, my identity depended on them. That wasn't sustainable.

  Clark pulls out another piece of paper. “This is the contract that would allow me to be your agent and manager. As you can see, I’ll only be taking a small percentage at first. That will give me the chance to prove to you that I believe in you and that I can help you be successful in this industry," he tells me.

  I can’t believe this still, yet everything in me is desperate for this to be true and not a cruel prank. The artists he manages are some of the biggest in the world. It’s an honor for him to even want to work with me. “When was the last time, besides the guys that you even started out with a new artist?" I ask as an unsavory thought hit me. I really needed to be sure that his interest didn’t have anything to do with wanting to get between the sheets with me. I’m pretty sure my heart would be broken if that was the case.

  His face softens. "Ariana, I go with my gut when I make decisions, and I'm rarely wrong. In fact, I've never had an artist fail since my career began. I know when someone has talent. And that someone in this case is you." He stands up from the couch and brushes off his slacks. "Why don’t you take a few days to think it over? The label would like to get you into a studio as soon as possible, but I understand that this is a major decision for you. You have my number, text me or call me if you have a question and we can get this started." I nod numbly.

  He begins to walk away, and then stops and turns around. "Ariana, you know they're not gonna like this. But you need to make this decision for yourself," he tells me seriously. He waits until I’ve nodded my agreement before walking away again.

  He’s right. The guys will have a problem with this. Not because they don’t want me to be someone, but I think they’re so worried about my safety after everything that they aren’t exactly thinking of me in terms of what would make me happy. They were thinking in terms of what would be the safest, and in this case, those two things would appear to them to be directly conflicting with one another.

  I was sure that if it came down to it, I could get a bodyguard or even a couple of bodyguards. I peer at the number again that the record label is agreeing to pay me in the contract, and I can’t help but smile widely. I would be able to afford my own bodyguards if it came down to it.

  The other problem of course, was that I’m still a wreck. What would I do if there was a loud sound while I was performing on stage, and I freaked out? That would shoot my chances of success down before I even began if I couldn’t get ahold of myself. Of course, that made me think of Dr. Mayfield’s words today, that she thought my reactions had mor
e to do with my lack of purpose and my fear of life in general than it did over what happened with Gentry. Maybe with work, I could do this. Maybe this would be the “doing something for me” that she talked about.

  Maybe this could be the start of me.

  “Pinch me,” I tell Amberlie breathlessly, and she giggles as she does so. “Is the contract still in my hand?” I ask her, squeezing my eyes closed with wonder.

  “Are the guys really going to be upset?” she asks, and I shrug, not wanting to talk right now about everything that had been happening with them.

  “I’m sure it will be fine. I just have to decide if it’s something that I want to do,” I tell her.

  She screeches so loud that I’m afraid that my eardrum is going to pop. “Ariana Kent, don’t make me punch you. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity sweetheart. You may not have told me anything yet, but I know that the last few years couldn’t have been good to you with the way you cut me off. This is your good thing,” she tells me.

  But she’s wrong. No matter what she says, Clark says, or Dr. Mayfield says, I learned a long time ago that a love like ours is my good thing. And whatever I do, I can’t lose that. I just have to hope that there’s a path that can include my dreams and them.

  I decide to wait to tell the guys about Clark’s offer until after the show so I don't distract them. Even though I haven’t admitted it to Amberlie, I am worried about their response.

  My thoughts are interrupted when I’m suddenly picked up off the couch and Tanner’s lips are against mine. I had almost forgotten about the fact that Tanner kisses me before every show. With everything that has been happening between us, I guess I was actively trying not to think about it, just in case I was disappointed and he skipped it this time.

  He’s gone after just a second, disappearing on stage to give the screaming masses what they’re begging for, but just the one kiss gives me hope that everything is going to be okay.

  I can barely sit still through the whole concert. My thoughts are complicated, made worse because they’re slightly off tonight. The tension of the past few months has bled out onto the stage and into the music, and even though they still sound amazing, there’s a certain something that’s lacking that anyone who was really a fan would recognize.

  The guys, for their part, don’t seem to be as interested in the performance as they should be. Instead, they keep shooting me looks, either from concern about my safety or because they can tell I’m distracted. Or maybe it’s a little bit of both.

  I try to enjoy the show, especially because Amberlie hasn’t seen them since they made it big, and she seems to be having the time of her life.

  When the band rushes backstage after the concert without doing an encore, I realize just how badly I've been doing at hiding that something is going on.

  Jensen grabs my arm and drags me towards his dressing room, Tanner and Jesse following close behind. “I’ll just wait right here,” Amberlie yells behind us worriedly.

  Jensen just shoots her a thumbs up before slamming the door behind all of us. They’re all crowded around me. "What's going on? Is everything alright?" Jensen asks worriedly. I’m temporarily distracted by the play of his muscles as he crosses his arms in front of his chest, but the thought of my new opportunity brings me back to the present quickly.

  “I talked to Clark while you guys were in sound check, and he had something exciting to tell me," I begin carefully, fiddling nervously with a ring on my hand.

  "Did he have updates on Gentry?" Tanner interjects, and my heart sinks. This, this is why this opportunity is so good. Maybe it'll help us move past worrying about Gentry every second.

  "No, this has nothing to do with that. Clark took recordings of some of our sessions on the bus, and your record label loved them," I tell him excitedly. I expect them to start showing interest, but all three of them are carefully blank. Okay then. "Clark said that they love my voice, and they offered me a contract," I continue, pulling the papers out of my purse that I haven’t been able to set down. "They want me to start recording some songs right away. Clark felt the one that you and I had written might be good for a single," I tell Jensen, who’s still not showing any emotion. "I looked through the documents, but of course I'm not an expert. Clark wants me to get a lawyer to look after them. But the terms seeing amazing from what I know. And Clark wants to be my manager, can you believe that? He's even doing it a lower percentage to start out with," I tell them, still expecting some kind of reaction.

  "It seems too good to be true, but the documents outline everything…" My voice trails off as I realize that the guys don’t seem happy with this development, and the more I talk, the worse the feeling in the room seems to get.

  Jesse has taken the contract from me and is skimming through it, his face looking more annoyed the farther down the page he gets. But now I'm getting annoyed at their reaction. Haven’t I been happy with them for every success that they've had in their lives, even the one that left me alone in hell? At least if I'm away from them they'll have each other. When they left, I had no one.

  I take a deep breath, knowing that that wasn't a fair assessment of the situation. They had no idea what my life was going to be like once they left because I never told them. We weren't like that anymore. All our cards were on the table.

  "What do you guys think?" I finally say. Only silence answers me. Jesse’s still reading through the contract, Tanner’s staring at me still numbly, and Jensen looks like he's about to burst.

  Jensen takes a deep breath. "I don't know that this is the best time to be doing something like that," he finally says carefully. I just look at him in shock. I knew that there would be mixed feelings about this, but I didn't expect them to just not want me to take the opportunity at all.

  "Jensen, you can't possibly mean that," I respond shakily. But he doesn't take back his statement. And looking at Jesse, who has now finished reading over the contract, and Tanner, who still is just staring at me, I know that they all feel the same way.

  I laugh bitterly. "Look, if this is about Gentry, I'm sure that precautions can be made. If I stay hidden forever, that's just letting him win. I was already locked inside his cage for five years, I'm not about to let him do that to me again." It’s an echo of words I’ve already told them...but that was before I was shot.

  “I can’t be around you all right now,” I finally say before walking to the door. I stop before opening it and look back at them over my shoulder. “I’m doing this, and you’re just going to have to get on board,” I say before opening the door and slamming it shut behind me.

  A part of me worries that I’ve just slammed the door on us.

  11

  Amberlie left the next morning. We should have been catching up for lost time, but after my disagreement with the guys, I wasn’t up to it. Instead, we endured a silent car ride back to Jesse’s mansion with my bodyguards while the guys signed autographs and did a meet and greet. Amberlie didn’t push me to tell her what was going on, and I was grateful for that. We watched a movie in the mansion’s theater room and binged on bad for you food.

  It was nice to have a friend.

  I rode with her to the airport, and we both cried as she got out of the car to go inside. But at least now we could talk on the phone. I knew someday she would demand answers, they all would, but I was grateful that day wasn’t today.

  The mansion was silent when I got back, and I didn’t look for anyone, still upset about how the conversation went the night before. After hiding out watching more trashy reality television, I finally decided to leave my self-imposed solitude and go find them.

  I find Tanner in one of the lounges, sitting in the dark with nothing but the light from the moon and the lit-up city illuminating him. He’s sipping his favorite whiskey as he stares out at the California skyline.

  "What are you doing in here, baby?" I joke with him, knowing he hates when I call him that.

  But all I’m met with is silence. I sigh and take a seat nex
t to him.

  "It's only for a few months, Tanner," I tell him. “And we’ll see each other throughout the tour.”

  "It's only a few months now," he says. “But eventually it will be half a year...then a whole year. Just you wait. Your music is going to go crazy on the airwaves. This will be just the beginning." His voice is a mix of pride and anger.

  "Why is it so hard for you all to be happy for me? I supported your dreams, your lives...your everything since I met you. Why can't you do that for me now?"

  "I am happy for you," he says in a voice that sounds as far from happy as possible. “But I don't understand why we can't do this together. We used to be a good thing, Princess. What happens when this becomes your good thing or someone else that you meet out there on the road becomes your good thing?"

  "I'm not a cheater," I tell him staunchly, a tiny flicker in my head reminding me that I also slept with his two best friends regularly.

  "I know you're not a cheater, Ari,” he says, shaking his head.

  "And you all are still my good thing. My very best thing," I tell him, stroking his hair softly, soothingly.

  Like he did most times I touched him, he leaned into me, soaking in the love I was offering him.

  I pull away after a moment and take his face in both my hands, so that he can’t look away from me. "Remember that night on the beach when you told me you were gonna make it out of our town?" I asked.